Just A Deam

Reflecting back on my experiences in India it feels as though it was only just a dream. Recently I've been humbled in many ways. I started to forget the lessons and experiences I had learned in India and started to get wrapped up in material things and worldly desires. In a matter of weeks my car was keyed, my laptop was stolen and my brand new iPhone broke! Initially, I was pretty bummed out. I thought, "why me", and felt incredibly ungrateful. Among other trials I was facing I felt overwhelmed and lonely. This brought me back to India and the many nights I spent alone on the roof of the hostel. These nights were often filled with tears of heartache and loneliness. They usually ended with me on my knees praying to my Heavenly Father. It's interesting how different my trials are now from those in India but the feeling of loneliness is universal. Typically I would go downstairs and tuck the children into bed, or just hold a child for an hour, rocking him to sleep. For that moment all my problems would go away. Living the upbeat college life and living in a college town there aren't many kids within close proximity. My new favorite thing is to go for a drive or a walk and just ponder out the questions I have in my mind. I feel ashamed for the privileged life I have and for ever being ungrateful. Sometimes I feel as though the more you have the less you acknowledge the blessings you have in your life. It's as though you take everything for granted. I just want to feel fulfilled at the end of each day like I did in India. It's hard going from dedicating your entire being to serving others and forgetting about your own needs and desires to living a life where it's all about "me". I guess the best thing I can do is be the best me I can possibly be. I want to love everyone around me like I did in India and like the children loved one another. Most importantly, I want to emulate the light the children brought into my life and shed light unto those around me. You know those people that walk into a room and they make it brighter just by being there? I want that. I want to leave this world a brighter and happier place. I want to be happy beyond measure and I want to bring that to those around me. I feel so blessed that I was able to go to India and have the experiences I had. I will never forget the impact India had on my life and I look forward to the day that I can return.

Rising Star Outreach Blitz Week

I'm finally back! After living in California for two months, dropping my twin sister off at the MTC, moving back to Utah and adjusting to "normal" life, I'm excited to be involved with Rising Star again! As of tomorrow, March 24, we are having a Rising Star blitz week. The purpose is to recruit volunteers for the summer sessions. We will have a booth at the Wilk on BYU campus for the next week and we'll be passing out fliers and answering any questions people might have. If you have been to Rising Star please spread the word because spots for the summer sessions are filling fast. Also, don't forget that Amy Antonelli, the executive director of Rising Star, is coming to BYU to speak on "Lessons from the Leprosy Colonies of India". Her lecture is this Thursday, March 25th at 11 am in B-192 JFSB. Do not miss out on this opportunity to hear her speak! She truly is one of the most unbelievable people I have ever met. Her experiences and stories will inspire you to view life in an entirely different light. If you have any questions just email me at nicoleprzybyla@gmail.com. I love you all and thank you for all that you do!

Finally

Merry Christmas! I've been home almost three weeks and I finally feel ready to revisit India and reflect on the changes I have felt since I left. Even though I've been home for a short time it feels like India was only a dream, like it happened an eternity ago. Since I've been home I find myself feeling much more grateful for all that I have. Hot baths. Food that doesn't consist of curry or rice. Family. Music. Apparently Miley Cyrus got famous while I was gone! (And she has a super cute boyfriend!) It's so surreal being home. I've felt bored. Finally I can sleep in and I haven't been able to. I feel a lot less accomplished at the end of the day, mind you I'm in holiday mode and I'm not working yet, but I'm not used to having "free time". Most importantly, I feel happy. Despite the free time and missing the children at Rising Star, I feel ready to embark on the next chapter in my life. Whether it's serving a mission or returning to school, I'm so excited for what my future holds. Reflecting back on how India came about and the fact that I initially arrived in India with the intention of staying three weeks and I ended up staying four months, I feel overwhelmed with gratitude and hope. When I was making the decision to stay I was incredibly stressed and anxious about what I was supposed to do with my life. Now looking at how everything played out I realize life always works out for the best as long as we believe. I feel like I'm the luckiest person alive. Life has become much more simple. I'm always the one to make things complicated when all I really need to do is live righteously and have faith in the journey. I always worry about the outcome but I've come to realize the adventure along the way is far more valuable than where it leads you, as long as your intentions are for good. The night I said goodbye to the children I'd never cried so hard in my life. At least twenty of the girls sat on the stairs with me as we balled our eyes out. I think they were more sad that I was sad than they were actually sad about me going because they kept wiping my tears away and telling me to be happy. The boys kept telling me I better go to America with a smile on my face. They'll never know how hard it's been for me to adjust and I'm glad for that. Their lives go on. They continue to smile at the little blessings they have in their lives. My sisters and brothers, the children at Rising Star, will always have a special place in my heart that I will treasure forever. I hope to one day return to Rising Star and reunite with my family. I don't think they will ever know the changes they made in my life. The children changed me for better. I came to India lost and the children found me. They unconditionally accepted me and made me more open to love and living. I hope the children live a life of happiness. I pray that they continue to pursue their education and most importantly I hope that they continue to believe in themselves. Their potential is unreal. I've seen them change lives, including their own. I'm so grateful for Rising Star and the opportunity it gives them to live up to their potential. When I return to Rising Star I hope that the children I was tutoring are the one's helping others learn to read and write. I hope to find them full of joy and positivity. Whether they remember me or not I know that they will never be forgotten because their faces and love will forever be engraved in my heart. My heart that they opened to the world. My heart that they healed.

Royalty

The other day Annie and I went to a colony with Dr. Kumar. At first I was playing with the children and taking lots of pictures. The day started off easy and carefree. I noticed an elderly woman laying in the corner. She slept for at least half the time we were at the colony. Finally she got up and sat next to Dr. Kumar for her check-up. She struggled with her movement and began to cry. Her tears turned to sobs and she began to shake uncontrollably. We soon found out that she had been robbed the night before of her entire life's savings, about $140. She couldn't see straight. Her eyes were filled with sorrow. The money was for her funeral. She knew her time left was minimal and she wanted to have a proper burial. She left the room and fell to the ground outside. I sat with her and played with her gray hair. She kept grabbing my hand and squeezing it. She laid her head on my lap and began to calm down. Soon she was asleep. Once she awoke we walked together back to her home. Every few steps she would stop and squat down, unable to move quickly because of her hysteric state. When we arrived at her home I fetched her some water and she took her medicine. She then grabbed both my cheeks and kissed them. I've never been one for crying but in that moment my eyes swelled with water. As the tears streamed down my face she whiped them with her hands. I felt peace. I felt that Heavenly Father wanted me to be there, sitting, comforting, and loving his daughter who had been robbed of more than just her money. She had nothing and was robbed of everything she had saved. In that moment there wasn't a worry in the world. I felt the eternal perspective. I knew that although she had nothing materialistic, she had everything in God's eyes. She had love. She then said a prayer and looked up to the Heaven's, thanking her God, thanking our God. It was such a tender mercy and I will never forget the overwhelming feeling of joy I had in that moment. Matt left on Saturday. He was one of Rising Star's long-term employees. Annie left on Tuesday. Lucy's leaving next Monday and Maddie and I leave in two weeks. It's so crazy how fast time has gone here. It's been such a bitter/sweet watching the children say goodbye. It's amazing how sad they are in the moment and yet how easy it is for them to move on and continue their lives. They don't dwell on sadness, they savor the good things life has to offer. All too often I allow trials and heartache to impact me for a long period of time. The children have taught me to feel the pain and loss but to continue living life fully. They've learned at such a young age how to endure through life's most difficult moments. Whether they've lost both parents, a relative has suffered from leprosy, or they have no family at all, they move forward and make the best of every situation they are given. Rising Star has become their family. They all call each other "sister" and "brother". The day they included me in this family by calling me "sister" in Thamil was the day Rising Star truly felt like home. The other day I sat on a bench and observed the children at play. It's one of my favorite hobbies, people watching. I scanned from one group of children to the next. Whether the older children were helping the younger children with a game, or the children were playing tag and helping each other up when another child fell down, there was such love and care amongst all of them. It was so touching to watch. Yesterday I made crowns for the UKG and first standard children to decorate. Although I was a little overwhelmed by the forty pairs of hands grabbing at me and asking questions, it was a total success! Later that day I came out to play time and the children were still wearing their crowns. Joyce pointed out Aravind, one of our UKG boys, and his response to the crown. The moment I put it on his head, he beamed from ear to ear, with an expression of royalty written all over his cute face. I love it when the children feel their divinity and know how wonderful they truly are. Today's Thanksgiving. It doesn't feel like it because we certainly won't be eating turkey for dinner and I'm not with my family by blood, but I am happy to be here because I am surrounded by so many things that I am so grateful for.

Family

The other day I went on a jog by myself. It had rained that morning and the trail I usually run on was completely empty. Four dogs came running at me full speed ahead, barking aggressively and looking at me like prey. I stopped running and said a prayer. They stopped and walked away. Now that I've been nearly attacked by dogs, ran past a snake, and been approached by two great danes, I'm starting to reconsider my morning exercise! Last week we went to a dedication at Pathway School. Pathway is a school for children with mental and learning disabilities, adult mental handicaps, and orphaned and destitute children of rural south India. Bishop Burton, the Presiding Bishop for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints came to speak, along with many of the donors and contributors to Pathway. It was amazing listening to the members of the Church and the Indian politics speak. What touched me the most was the different feeling I got between the speakers. The members of the Church expressed gratitude and spoke with sincerety and a calm voice. Many of the Indian speakers yelled into the microphone. I taught Relief Society on Sunday. I really struggled with the lesson. The topic was families and celestial marriage. It's really hard to discuss temple marriages when the closest temple is in Hong Kong. I can't wait for the day they build a temple in India. What a marvelous day that will be. There was only one woman in the room who had been sealed in the temple. She was an American. This lesson only reemphasized the importance of living righteously and not taking all that I have for granted. One of the first things I want to do when I go home is go to the temple. My experience will be different then it's ever been because it's been so long since I've gone and because now I know how precious it is to have a temple. This past Saturday was Children's Day. It's a holiday dedicated to children and games! All the standards played different games amongst each other. It was such a blast. They were so competitive and they loved it. I loved it. It rained on and off but that didn't even phase the children. They were playing and that was all that mattered. After a day full of games they had a catered meal. We all sat together and talked over good food and happy topics. Each day I grow more sad because it's another day closer to my departure. Although I'm excited to see my family and friends, in so many ways my family is here. The children don't call me Auntie anymore. They call me Nicole. They know me by my name. Some of them have even given me nicknames. They're not just faces in a picture that remind me of the "good times I had in India". They're apart of who I've become here. Each of them have a place in my heart and I will never forget them. They all have different personalities, interests and desires. The one thing they have in common is their ability to love. Although they loved me from the start and I loved them, our love has gone above one's natural ability to accept the other, our love is eternal. Our love is everlasting.

Priceless

A Child's Prayer

Prayer should be the key of the day and the lock of the night

Life has been crazy these past few weeks! There's never a dull moment. The other day Revathi, one of our first standard students, had a seizure. It was like nothing I had experienced before. She was standing by the water bucket and one of the house mother's was yelling her name. I approached her with Annie, an EMT, and we laid her on the ground. She was staring off into space and not responding to our questions. We asked her to squeeze Annie's hand if she could hear us and there was still no movement. The doctor was called immediately. Unfortunately he lives far away so we coped as best we could while we awaited his arrival. Annie knew exactly what to do as she laid Revathi down on her side and continually checked her vitals. Revathi threw-up a couple of times, and after about fifteen minutes of being completely unaware of her surroundings, she fell asleep. Her body was exhausted. Annie and I sat with her for the next couple of hours. Seriously, the entire experience was so surreal. My initial reaction was to freak out. I couldn't believe that this young tender child was enduring such a trial and yet she was completely unaware of what she was facing. After my freak out, which I only felt internally, externally I knew the best thing I could do was comfort her. Annie and I said a prayer and already felt reassured that everything was going to be okay. As scary as it was, all along I felt a special Spirit present, that she was being watched out for and everything was going to be alright. She's fine now. In fact she's more then fine, later that day she was in our bedroom drawing pictures and modeling henna on her hand! The night before our eventful morning I was talking to Sathiya, one of our fifth standard students, about her Mother. She told me that she had missed her Mother so much that earlier that night she was crying. The first person she turned to was her Heavenly Father. She told me that she prayed to him for comfort and that she would not be sad anymore. She said the strange part was, when she was finished with her prayer she had forgotten why she was sad and her tears were gone. Sathiya then told me that every time she coughs it's because someone is thinking about her. The rest of the night she couldn't stop coughing. She knew it was because of her prayer and although she is far away from her Mother, she is never forgotten. I've had a lot of fun lately with the girl's side of the hostel. I typically say good night to the girls and then go sit and sing with the boys, but recently I've been devoting more time to the girl's side. They always have me tell them a good night story. I've discovered my knack for creatively combining all the Disney movies into an Indian version of awesomeness. For example, I told the story of Snow White. The difference was some of the names of the seven dwarfs. One of their names was curry, I can't take credit for that one though, that all goes to the girls. Also, Snow White wears a sari to her wedding, figured that was a must! It's really fun because the girls get all technical and ask me the parent's names and who all attended the wedding. I just hope they don't ask me to repeat the same stories because I'm sure I'll forget all the made-up details! Last night we had family night on the boy's side. The objective was to draw a self-portrait that we could give to their sponsors. I drew an example self-portrait, which looked nothing like me, and then the fun began. As I walked around the three rooms to see how the boys were doing, it came to my attention that about ten of the boys were drawing pictures of me. So rather then drawing themselves, they drew pictures of a silly pale girl with messy blond hair! I really hope that their sponsors look remotely like me so that they'll think the picture is of them! It was pretty funny. The boys were so proud of their masterpieces. So my visa expired October 22, I feel like a fugitive! I drove to Chennai today with Radhika and we mailed it out to my Dad. I hope he gets it or else I'm staying in India the rest of my life! This Saturday is parent's day and sport's day. The children have been preparing for this for the past three weeks and they are totally stoked! The dilemna is the weather. It's been raining non-stop today and if it keeps on raining we're going to have to cancel the festivities. I really hope that's not the case because the children will be totally crushed. For the next and last five weeks that I'm here I will be devoting the majority of my efforts on the tutoring program. We've changed it completely from how it was during the summer and I'm so excited to see progress amongst the students.